The Man Who Couldn't Eat

So I literally pushed publish on my last post and stumbled upon such a gift... the book "The Man Who Couldn't Eat" by Jon Reiner. PSA: For all you fellow Crohnies out there pick it up, you won't be able to set it back down (stepping off my soap box now). If you ever want to really feel what the life of a Crohnie is like this is the book for you. I found myself nodding and laughing and crying and mostly just really "feeling" it. Everything he speaks of, we know. Everything he conveys, we feel. I tell ya talk about a book that really hits you hard.


Anyways I read an interview that comfybelly.com (another great Crohnie resource) had with Jon Reiner and it was just eye opening, phenomenal. One particular thing he said struck me (well about ten but for the sake of brevity I'll give you the cliff notes version).... "one of my very wise doctors said to me, “Living with chronic illness means living with uncertainty. That’s your lot. You can either accept it and move forward or let it imprison you.”  First of all, what a doc! Where can I find that guy?! Second of all, #amen!!! There is literally nothing I can ever do (at least as of this point) to change my situation. I can accept it and deal or let it hold me back from what I really want. Hmmm... tough choice?! I think not! It's freeing taking back control from Crohn's. Saying f- you Crohn's I can handle you, try me!


Anyway, Reiner went on to say probably the single most profound statement about Crohn's I have ever read (and admittedly, I am a closet nerd/bookworm). He says "He was right, and I do find that the hardest part of living with illness has been accepting the inevitability of uncertainty. Nothing is more frustrating than doing everything right for your health, yet still winding up sick. So, I confess, my level of acceptance has not evolved to its fullest. I seem to inhabit two worlds psychologically: When the illness is active, there’s no escaping the presence and constant managing of symptoms. When the illness is quiet, I put as much distance between it and my mind as I can" WOW! Everything that I truly feel about Crohn's at my core (the little parts of me that I don't speak out loud) is what he expressed. The single hardest part is the UNCERTAINTY... the unknown... healthy or not today? And there really is nothing more absolutely frustrating than doing all the "right" things for yourself and your body saying fuck you back. I feel like I am exactly where he is at emotionally with it. And that in itself gives me peace. Maybe we all feel that way? When I am sick I can't stop thinking, worrying, hating it but when I'm healthy I'm at peace with it. Why can't I reach peace regardless? I think that's part of our wonderful, scary, life altering Crohnie experience. And he's right I try to put as much distance between myself/my brain and Crohn's as I can. It's the only way you can continue to dream, to fight, to live....


He ended the interview by saying "I have ambitions and goals that I haven’t stopped pursuing despite the health issues I have to manage." Indeed Mr. Reiner, indeed.