My advice for new Crohnies

Sometimes when I sit and think I remember when I was first diagnosed with Crohn's. I remember being 16 and scared, confused, curious, angry, sad... every emotion in the book. You name it, I felt it. Guess what ladies and gents? This is 100% normal. I worry about anyone who's like "oh hey new lifelong disease, let's be friends." At least right away.

I can't say Crohns + me= BFF now. But what I can say is that I am a great place with it; I've learned to roll with it, accept it, and maybe (just maybe) sometimes see the bright side of it. But this has been years in the making. So in an effort to help the newbies along I figured I'd share what helped me/worked for me and made this unwelcome news of "hey you have Crohn's" a little easier to manage.

1. Find a doctor you connect with and trust. This is key... 100% crucial. When I was first diagnosed I was seeing a doctor that I hated strongly disliked. Let's just say her bedside manner was non-existent and experimenting on patients as if we're rats in a lab was her forte. Whoops did I say that outloud? I digress.... finally when I was 18, I decided that I couldn't put up with her anymore. I would come up with any excuse not to go to my appointments (not the best idea when you have a chronic illness- I know) and when I did go I was miserable and "noncompliant." She was less than honest and therefore I didn't trust her judgment as my doctor to do what was best for me. I didn't feel taken care of.

Finally after trying out a few new doctors I stumbled upon the amazing gastro that I am lucky to call my doctor now. He spends time in the room (as long as I want in fact) answering any ridiculous questions I have (which is usually far too many for any one person). He is funny and relatable, which makes it easy to want to go see him and build a relationship with him. He does not over prescribe medications (my feelings on that will be a post for another day). If anything, he puts me on as few meds as possible. I think he may get my whole "I hate meds, keep them away" ideology. Instead he focuses on total care... we talk about nutrition, vitamins, emotional wellbeing, etc. More than anything, he truly, genuinely cares about me and my wellbeing. He has demonstrated that to me time and time again (I could give you a whole list of these stories) through his patience, concern when I'm not taking care of myself (oh yes he calls me out)... he even has me in between appointments to check my weight. He has gone above and beyond.... and I, for one, think everyone deserves the same for their doctor. Having that relationship where you feel comfortable discussing anything and everything regarding your body, mind, and health when it comes to Crohn's is essential.

2. Build a support network. Crohn's is tough to navigate at times. Having people to whine and vent to when it's at its roughest can make the entire situation seem so much better. As much as Crohn's is a physical disease, I believe it is a psychological/emotional one as well. When I am in a positive, "I can do this" state of mind Crohn's rarely comes out to play. However, when I become a negative Nancy Crohn's comes back in full force. Obviously I can't speak for everyone when it comes to that but I truly believe developing and maintaining a positive state of mind is necessary to feel well. But good news is... you don't have to do this alone. Relying on people who love you to be there for you when you need to vent, cry, or get cheered up by watching Billy Madison and laughing your face off (or is that one just me?) can help significantly. It may not (but it could) make the physical symptoms/pain go away but it certainly will help turn that frown upside down. Crohn's is shitty enough ( <---- pun. I'm so ridiculously cheesy I know) without it impacting your mood too.

3. Figure out what foods are "no-no" foods. I would suggest reading up on the elimination diet and alwaysss consulting with your doctor. Keep a food diary and start to pay attention to when you are experiencing more pain/diarrhea/nausea, etc. A pattern of which foods aggravate you will hopefully emerge. Knowing what foods don't agree with your body can help decrease symptoms.. sometimes by a lot. It's not the end all, be all but eliminating foods that seem to worsen symptoms can really make a difference in your overall wellbeing. Sometimes it sucks to give up the foods you love most (oh hey raw veggies, Mexican food, and milk chocolate) but feeling better is well worth the small sacrifice. I have found that I don't even miss or crave the foods that used to bother me. I now associate them with not feeling well and they have lost their luster. I instead focus on fun new recipes and enjoying foods that are going to fuel me and make me feel better (hey Mel, say hello to ground turkey, cooked veggies, and peanut butter. Don't ask I have no idea why these 3 work for me).

4. Develop your own mantra. Someone said to me pretty early on to remember that I am the one who HAS Crohn's; Crohn's is not the one who has me. I have the control and power over what I do to help myself deal with it. And that stuck with me. It quickly became my mantra of "I have Crohn's, Crohn's does NOT have me". I may not be able to control when I feel sick or when I flare but I can control what foods I eat, how I feel emotionally, and what medications I use (along with my dr's help). Taking back the power is what it's all about with me and my mantra fits that. Figure out what works for you to empower you and makes you feel strong and in control; and develop your own mantra around that.

5. Advocate for yourself. This was by far the most difficult part for me, especially as a teenager. I was embarassed about anyone knowing that I was sick. I liked people knowing me as the athlete and honors student and did not want people's image of me to change. I also didn't want them to feel sorry for me or see me as "gross." As I began to accept it myself, I realized that people around me would too. It's a confidence thing and it takes time. But as you start to feel comfortable with your diagnosis and what's going on in your body, you'll start to realize that people are not going to judge you or think less of you. And anyone who will isn't worth your time anyway. I have discovered that as I have opened up to teachers, college professors, employers, family members, friends, and peers that 99% want to understand what Crohn's is and then they just want to offer their support in anyway that they can. Support is much different than pity and it took me time to realize that. Sometimes I would be sick and a professor would give me an excused absence from class or an extension on a paper. So be it, they are doing it to make my life easier and help me to focus on my health and recovery. I don't think I ever felt like a single one thought less of me because of it. If anything, I have found that people who I have told think even more of me. Many have mentioned that they are impressed with my ability to manage work, college, and activities with an illness. People may surprise you. If you don't speak up and advocate for yourself, who will?

6. Never underestimate the power of a little "me" time. I have found that spending an hour or two with just little ol' me can do wonders when I am at my weakest moments. It's wonderful to have friends and family be there for you when you need it, but there is something soothing and peaceful about spending a couple hours alone focusing on yourself. This time could be spent doing just about anything that makes you feel happy and whole.... running, journaling, taking a bath, watching a funny movie, walking the dog (okay so then technically you aren't alone but... you get the point). The best part is you get to decide and pick whatever you want. Spending those couple hours unwinding, destressing, and putting my smile back on is sometimes exactly what I need.

Getting Crohn's at any age, especially when you're young is no easy road to navigate. It's going to be filled with bumps and rainy days but figuring out what "works for you" can certainly lead to some smooth roads and sunny skies in the future ( <--- aww told ya I was cheesy).

Oh, hello old friend

Just the other day I thought to myself.... it's been foreverrr since I've had a flare. I can't really remember what a flare feels like. Well apparently Crohn's heard me because it came back to pay me a visit. And boy have I been reminded of just how miserable it is. Going on day 4 here I feel defeated. Disappointed. Angry. Scared. Exhausteddd. I just want the pain to end. Too much to ask?

On the inside I'm struggling.... a lot. I guess since it had been so long I felt normal.... dare I say healthy again?! I felt strong, whole, positive... like me again. I was able to get up each day without FEAR. The fear of when will IT show its ugly head again? And I revelled in that feeling. For the first time since 2005 I began to feel like I can hack this... this isn't so bad, right?! I got up each day without Crohn's as the first thing on my mind. Truthfully somedays I would forget until it was meds time. I feel blessed in that I got to experience almost an entire year of that. But this past Tuesday reminded me again that I am SICK. And I'm not a fan because, although the physical pain hurts, the emotional/psychological warfare I'm going through this week is far worse.

I try to occupy my mind and have successfully done so for a good chunk of the week but anytime I really let myself go there.... oh boy here I go. My newly acquired strength/positivity feels fake to me or half-assed. When I'm healthy I'm so strong and positive and feel like I can conquer the world. I am go go go. Energizer bunny status. Why can't this mindset continue all the time... flare or not? But I have noticed a huge difference in my mind since Tuesday. I feel hopeless, sad, pissed off at the world (what did I do to deserve this?- childish I know), and the emotion I hate the most. FEAR. I absolutely hate the anxiety the comes out as soon as I get sick. I fear I won't feel better. I fear it'll get worse. I fear more meds. I fear surgeries. I fear hospitals. I fear that I won't get back to me again.

I've noticed that the anxiety runs deep. Typically, when my head hits the pillow I'm out... cold... for as long as possible. Mel + sleep= pure bliss. But this week I can't fall asleep or stay asleep whatsoever. I've slept a grand total of 6 hours all week. Yet I don't feel tired..... still! You'd think my body would want some energy to fight this but apparently it wants to see how much I can take. Body-1, Mel- 0. A wise person once said to me that anxiety is our body's way of telling us "pay attention to me" ... "something's going on." Well body I hear you loud and clear.

So that's where I'm at. Outwardly, the brave warrior. Inwardly.... ehhh a mess?! So what to do... because despite the defeat I'm feeling, ultimately I wouldn't be Melly if I didn't fight back. So what to do?! Well one of my favorite grad professors once told me that I can't control everything but I can focus on what I can control. I can't control my flare but I can control my mindset, diet, meds... being proactive is MY CONTROL. I need to stay focused on eating comfy belly foods, actually seeing my gastro (yes I avoid it), taking my meds on time, I need to remember that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. The pain will end and I will be well again. In the time being I need to remind myself that I HAVE CROHNS, IT DOES NOT HAVE ME.

My story...

Eleventh grade, 16 years old. It started out of seemingly nowhere; symptoms that would not go away. Stomach pains that were painstakingly constant. Doctors were skeptical at first. “It’s IBS” they would say. "Try to de-stress, it’s all in your head". Then favorite foods began to cause pain. The weight loss was continuous. This was not just IBS. Then the tests; the nightmare began. Another and another. The first appointment to see a specialist revealed that this was “serious.” But what did serious mean? At sixteen, these words rang fear and uncertainty about the future. Would I be able to feel better again? When would this nightmare end? When would I finally know what this strange sickness was?

That year I learned sickness. Crohn’s raged its ugly head and did not let up. Test after test revealed the same thing. All signs pointed to Crohn’s. The final step was in order; time to make sure. And thus a colonoscopy was ordered. I remember it like it was yesterday. Being rolled into the surgery room knowing when I come out my life will forever change. I will no longer be young and carefree. Next thing I knew I was waking up in a haze with my gastro peering over me in my hospital bed saying those very words I feared “you have Crohn’s Disease.” Those four words might as well have been a four letter word. Although they would later become part of my mantra.

What now? What happens from here? Knowing is one thing; healing is another. And the journey was long and frustrating. Medication after medication. Unimagineable side effects. I began walking down this path paved for me- full of drugs, nutrition, shots, bloodwork, hospitals, doctors, specialists, missed school, fear, and anxiety. It was the day after the hospital that I began to understand what life with Crohn’s Disease would look like- specialists, tests, a plethora of drugs, a strict limited diet, bed rest- but the idea of it looking like that forever haunted me. How could I possibly be sick forever?

Well I can’t say it gets easier but it does get easier to manage and deal with. I feel stronger, I feel bitter. I feel hopeful, I feel despair. I feel independent, I feel like I need someone to lean on. The fear of the unknown stays. The lessons stay too- the realization that I CAN do this and WILL survive. I may not know what my future with this disease holds but I do know that I can face it. I HAVE Crohn’s; Crohn’s DOES NOT have me. This is the mantra I have developed. It’s what I have to play and re-play in my head. It’s the understanding that IT is (and at this point always will be) a PART of who I am. But it’s not all that I am. I’m still me- a daughter, friend, girlfriend, sister, granddaughter, athlete, avid baker… and most of all happy go lucky girl with that constant unwavering smile on my face.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T... find out what it means to me ;)

So I've been meaning to write this post for awhile but was having a case of writer's block. Being a strong voice for younger females has been a conviction of mine for awhile. Working with them so often has left me recognizing their need to be loved and accepted.... by peers (mostly boys)... sometimes no matter the cost to their own self worth and value. And this breaks my heart. Now I'm not going to go on some crazy Spice Girls-esque "girl power" trip either.... because it's not about that. But I do want girls out there to recognize their worth and value as a woman... that they're more than what they wear, what they eat, who they hook up with...


Now I have to say I totally understand where they're coming from. And today it seems like there is even more pressure on girls to be skinny yet curvy, sexy but not "slutty", smart but not "too smart", fit but not "butch", fashionable without trying "too hard".... the list goes on. We make it impossible for girls to "win" when we set these impossible standards of what perfection looks like. Barbie, Cosmo, Victoria's Secret.... the mass messages that these companies send out tell girls THIS is who you NEED to be or frankly you don't measure up. And we feed into it... all of us. Even those of us (clears throat) who think we're above it. I like to think of myself as a smart, capable, strong woman... but you better believe I'm still buying the newest skinny jeans and straightening my hair with a bevvy of products every morning. We all do it. Why? Because we want to feel pretty, accepted... even loved. And we think this is how we can get there.


I think a lot of our younger sisters get so many messages about what being "sexy" means. Even more so than when we (I'm speaking for us mid-20s ladies) were tweens and teens. Girls are constantly being pressured to dress sexy at even younger ages. I mean have you looked around at the mall lately?! For those of us who work in schools, I know it makes my stomach drop when I hear about 12 year old girls and their "sex" lives (grimace). Truth be told, more than anything it makes them sad to hear that they're giving away pieces of themselves to those boys who do not deserve it... not even close. But they're confused, young, wanting to fit in.... it makes sense. This is what they're told they need to do.... from the boys, from tv, from the radio, from movies, from eachother... and that's the saddest part. There's some girl on girl crime going on here. And the boys know it and they feed off of it. No bueno. I've had so many girls that come in to talk to me that tell me "I can't get a date unless I hook up" or "if I don't do it, he'll find someone else who will." And my response to that... let him! Do you really want to be part of that kind of dating anyway?! Where does it ultimately lead you?... heartbroken, feeling used, rejected.... If you don't hook up where does that leave you? Maybe without a date. I acknowledge that... but chances are it may not. Either way it leaves you with respect. Isn't that worth it?!


So my message is... how do we get a place where we respect ourselves and one another enough to say stop it! Enough is enough! I think it comes from within ladies. I think we have to respect ourselves if we expect anyone else to. Lead by example shall we?! For me, I know I feel wayyyy better about myself when I get a good grade on a test or had a good workout or cooked a delish meal... there are infinite possibilities. The key is to "figure out who you are and try not to be afraid of it." Embrace your inner nerd, athlete, artist, musician... whatever it is that makes your heart tick. If you love you and you "do" you.... people will inevitably love you and R-E-S-P-E-C-T. And that ladies money (despite what Cosmo may say) can't buy.

So this "L" word....

So I got to thinking about the "L" word today... that big bad 4 letter word. Yup I said it, L-O-V-E. I think we all like to believe we know exactly what it is... what it's supposed to be like... to feel like. But truth be told, I don't think we can put a finger on what exactly it means to love and to be loved. I suppose it's that intangible, sparks fly, fireworks go off, breathless sort of feeling. Chemistry. Goosebumps.... whatever it is that Disney and Nicholas Sparks tell us it's supposed to be. Now I recognize that I sound cynical... and the crazy thing is I'm not. Not even close... I'm quite the opposite, although I may never lead on to it. For me it's easier to put up a wall and be this strong, independent, I can take care of myself female. Truth be told I think girls today need more confidence and the ability to do that. But.... onto the subject at hand. I want this:



"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason." (Easy A)



Doesn't that just pull your heart strings?! (I tell ya the 80's did so many things wrong but so many things right... think shoulder pads and Cyndi Lauper vs. Breakfast Club and 16 Candles)



I do believe in it. I know love exists. But I also know that the word gets thrown around like a baseball. But that gets me thinking maybe love means something different to everyone. For me, I take it seriously. I don't say it unless I mean it. But who am I to say that's how it has to be. Maybe love can be a "I enjoy your company" thing or a "we have fun together" thing. But excuse me for pushing the envelope it has to be more for me. And it's not something to be settled on.



Simply put, this is what I think I want (okay maybe need- flinch).....

  "Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." (Juno)

Because truth be told, everything's all rainbows and sunshine when things are going great and you're having fun. But if that person can't be there in the rain than what does it really matter? Someone who's there when you're in mismatching sweats, tears streaming down your face, makeup a hot mess... that's someone worth committing to and sharing your heart with.

We all know I love my quotes... this is no secret. I happened to find so many tonight that inspired this post. This one in particular struck a chord with me.... "Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life ... love shouldn't be one of them".... can I get an Amen?! That's what I want. If I don't get that "feeling" than cya later gator. Yes, I think love involves teamwork and friendship... but that can't be enough. At least not for me. I gotta feel that fire. That burn for someone. That's love baby. Okay and maybe a little lust... but who doesn't want to lust for the one they love?! To me, that's the ideal situation.... the ideal marriage even. BFF + teammates + burning passion/lust= sign me up. I think too often one component is missing in that crucial puzzle.

Final thoughts... what a novel I've written tonight. Who would have guessed I (of all people) would be long winded on this topic. I think love can actually be powerful and beautiful yet simple in its best form. I think we like to complicate things when it is really quite simple; find what it is that makes you happy and who it is that makes you happy and you're set. promise.

The Man Who Couldn't Eat

So I literally pushed publish on my last post and stumbled upon such a gift... the book "The Man Who Couldn't Eat" by Jon Reiner. PSA: For all you fellow Crohnies out there pick it up, you won't be able to set it back down (stepping off my soap box now). If you ever want to really feel what the life of a Crohnie is like this is the book for you. I found myself nodding and laughing and crying and mostly just really "feeling" it. Everything he speaks of, we know. Everything he conveys, we feel. I tell ya talk about a book that really hits you hard.


Anyways I read an interview that comfybelly.com (another great Crohnie resource) had with Jon Reiner and it was just eye opening, phenomenal. One particular thing he said struck me (well about ten but for the sake of brevity I'll give you the cliff notes version).... "one of my very wise doctors said to me, “Living with chronic illness means living with uncertainty. That’s your lot. You can either accept it and move forward or let it imprison you.”  First of all, what a doc! Where can I find that guy?! Second of all, #amen!!! There is literally nothing I can ever do (at least as of this point) to change my situation. I can accept it and deal or let it hold me back from what I really want. Hmmm... tough choice?! I think not! It's freeing taking back control from Crohn's. Saying f- you Crohn's I can handle you, try me!


Anyway, Reiner went on to say probably the single most profound statement about Crohn's I have ever read (and admittedly, I am a closet nerd/bookworm). He says "He was right, and I do find that the hardest part of living with illness has been accepting the inevitability of uncertainty. Nothing is more frustrating than doing everything right for your health, yet still winding up sick. So, I confess, my level of acceptance has not evolved to its fullest. I seem to inhabit two worlds psychologically: When the illness is active, there’s no escaping the presence and constant managing of symptoms. When the illness is quiet, I put as much distance between it and my mind as I can" WOW! Everything that I truly feel about Crohn's at my core (the little parts of me that I don't speak out loud) is what he expressed. The single hardest part is the UNCERTAINTY... the unknown... healthy or not today? And there really is nothing more absolutely frustrating than doing all the "right" things for yourself and your body saying fuck you back. I feel like I am exactly where he is at emotionally with it. And that in itself gives me peace. Maybe we all feel that way? When I am sick I can't stop thinking, worrying, hating it but when I'm healthy I'm at peace with it. Why can't I reach peace regardless? I think that's part of our wonderful, scary, life altering Crohnie experience. And he's right I try to put as much distance between myself/my brain and Crohn's as I can. It's the only way you can continue to dream, to fight, to live....


He ended the interview by saying "I have ambitions and goals that I haven’t stopped pursuing despite the health issues I have to manage." Indeed Mr. Reiner, indeed.

Starting this off....

So I previously had a blog that I started way back when that I sort of abandoned. I've been wanting to start blogging again so I figured that first ever blog post can start me off over here.... 

February 2011:
I decided that I was going to start writing everyday and start my very own blog. We will see how this goes….

The main reason I wanted to start this blog was for me to get out my experiences, worries, feelings about having Crohn’s Disease. It’s been 6 years since I was diagnosed this month… wow I can’t believe it’s been that long already. I feel like I tend to keep it on the DL and try not to bother people with it but here it goes…. it’s time for me to own my illness, work through my illness, and accept my illness. Here goes my journey….

As I’m often told “I have Crohn’s Disease, Crohn’s does not have ME.” I think I’ve been doign a much better job lately living those words but dude there are days where that I just can’t get there. When I am so sick and can barely move without every part of me aching, it’s hard to say that Crohn’s isn’t winning. It’s such a frustrating never ending struggle to fight this disease knowing that I will never get rid of it ugh. I do what I’m supposed to, I live by the rules… strict diet, swallow pills, strict diet again, more pills, rest, de-stress, go to doctor’s, more pills, etc. etc. I suppose you get the point. But sometimes I feel like it’s all for not. I live each day to manage this disease but no matter what I do I will never get truly better. It will always be a part of me and my body, I hate that!

Side note, I am definitely venting today. I’m physically and mentally exhausted….. feeling like crap. Not sure why? I haven’t done a thing to aggravate it… that’s another frustrating part for me. Why, oh why, does Crohn’s insist on flaring when I have grad school tomorrow and didn’t eat anything bad all day?! Yet, I see everyone around me drinking coffee, eating candy, etc etc…. none of which I can eat or even venture to eat… and yet I’m the sick one?!

Now on a more positive note, I know I can handle this. I can. I’ve done it for 6 years… graduated high school w/ honors, graduated college with above a 3.0 GPA, and now onto grad school. I’m making it. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do despite this disease. It has been one heck of a battle to get here. There are days when I sit in class or drive to school and I literally feel like I might collapse right then and there. Yet I make it through. And get up and keep going the next day. I think my future keeps me going. I know that someday it’ll just get better. I hope I have learned so many life lessons that I think so many people will never get in life. I learned how to take care of myself and be an adult at 16. While everyone else was worried about how they would do laundry when they went away to college. I was managing a chronic illness, taking pills, scheduling appointments, taking on so much. And I’m proud of myself for that. I took it on. I have learned how much strength I truly have. I have to laugh sometimes when people complain about being “sooo sickkk”. I’m sure that they do feel that way and are entitled to feel that way but damn if they only knew what “sick” really felt like….. being so weak and sick that you body throbs and you can’t move, you can’t keep anything down, you’re burning up with fever, and so inflammed you could cry. I think 99% of people could not imagine what it’s like to have to deal with that one night and then go to class the next day. So another life skill it’s taught me I guess. I’m finding the positive. And the strength I’ve built is definitely one.

I think the thing Crohn’s has done for me that people have mentioned and tend to notice is that it has made me soooo grateful for the little things. I appreciate life and am so passionate about helping people because of this disease. God do I ever know that life is tooo short and I plan on doing big things while I still can

Well I’m done with my vent of the moment. Feels good to get it out though
I think I’ll end with a quote each time and this one sooo defines how I feel lately…. “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that he didn’t trust me so much."
Mother Teresa






.........

So it’s been quite a whileeee since I wrote that first post (Feb '11). I kind of put this goal on the back burner… school/life became the priority for a bit. I’ve been at such peace lately with myself, my life, everything really. I’ve been soooo HEALTHY! and it’s not something that I take for granted. I know how blessed I am for this.

This summer opened my eyes. And in many ways I needed it. I spent so much time allowing Crohn’s to take over my life. I had this mantra going “I have Crohn’s, Crohn’s does not have me”…. I understood but didn’t live it. I spent a lot of time ignoring the TRUTH and got stuck in time. I couldn’t (correction- wasn’t ready to) move forward and accept my illness and it’s restrictions on my life. And work around them to become a better, STRONGER me. I felt “less than” and maybe even sometimes… unworthy?! (cringing to see myself type that). But I felt like my disease defined me. And as much as I tried to escape that reality I couldn’t face it. The fear kept me frozen in time. And I think I lived as though it didn’t effect me. I put on such a mask (cringing again) outwardly and didn’t allow myself to feel what was real. I didn’t want people to see me as less than perfect. And in many ways, I didn’t want to see myself as less than perfect. (how unattainable) So I hid Crohn’s… that part of me. I didn’t care of myself the way that I should and therefore my body didn’t take care of me (why would it?). I was sick of being sick.

 This summer I broke free of that crap. Yes, I have Crohn’s. That isn’t going away. But I DO have control over it. I HAVE THE CHOICE to take care of myself the best I can. I may not feel good everyday and that’s okay. Who does anyway? I need to take my vitamins and pills, get sleep, get exercise, relax, de-stress, and spend time with people who love me and support me. That’s the control that I have. For a long time I felt like Crohn’s has the control but it doesn’t need to be the tug of war battle. Crohn’s is PART OF ME, not some outside force/enemy trying to hurt me. I am at peace with it and myself. I am enjoying this new walk in faith and I have a little sneaking suspicion that 2012 is about to be the best year of my life....